Its Probably A Sin
by Dread Pirate Vane
Summary: A little drabble about what it feels like to have a human daemon.
1. part uno

Authors notes: a little drabble I wrote about what it feels like to have a human daemon, from Vlad's POV. Mostly reference-y for a roleplay I'm involved in, and just stored here for the sake of storing it somewhere.

Daemons are animal shaped. Everyone knows it. It's like knowing the grass is green or the sky was blue, or that if you stay out in the snow too long you'll die. Everyone knows. No one asks why, because that's just the way it is.

Most of the time.

It's a rare occurrence, to be sure. The odds of having a daemon the same sex as you are better than the odds of having something other than an animal as daemon. Sometimes unsettled daemons might try for a human form, normally ending up with something small and gnarled and frighteningly humanoid. No one ever settles like that.

Or if they did, we can't find any record of them.

Having animal shaped daemons is supposed to be right and proper, as the Church would put it. It makes it easier to distinguish between the kind of love one feels for their daemon and the love one would eventually feel for one's life mate. If daemons were human shaped people would love their daemons more than other people, and would be doomed to a life of sin. We've heard stories about that, about people who love their daemons like they would love a husband or wife, or stories about people having sex with their daemon. Everyone talks about it like it's wrong.

We have a hard time understanding.

Maybe we're just immoral. Isaiah was always good at human shapes. He started with small shapes, sometimes with little wings like the monsters we saw painted on the church walls, but always mostly like a person. It got easier for him as we got older. Then bigger and more unique, until he could look like a human and not a daemon at all.

We were fifteen when Isaiah settled in a human form.

Mom was livid. She kept telling us it wasn't funny-that it was wrong. People would think things about us. We were overjoyed. I'd been so afraid Isaiah would settle as a dog or a squirrel or something small and normal. I would have been okay with a coyote, or a snowshoe hare, but this form is best. He's beautiful…he'll always look a little older than me, but we're the same height. He's skinnier than I am and his eyes are mismatched-one blue and one green. He keeps his hair long, with purple dyed into the black. I want to cut it and see if it grows like a normal person's, but we're afraid it won't. I'm in love with his hair more than anything else about him.

And yes, the Church is right.

I never want to love anyone but Isaiah. We're both boys, and someday soon I know it will be a problem. If Isaiah had settled as something animal shaped maybe I could get married or at least date someone, and try to love them the way I love him. But with my Isaiah shaped like this, I can't stand to lie to him. I don't want to kiss any lips but his, don't want to hold anyone but him. Why lie to ourselves about it?


	2. part dos

Given how unusual Isaiah and I are, I guess our settling should have been dramatic. When my sister Kay and her Rose settled she was so overjoyed, I thought they were both going to burst. Kay was twelve when Rose settled. I still remember her running into the kitchen, Rose in her permanent tree gecko shape on her shoulder. "We're settled, Vlad! Forever!" she screamed, her voice so shrill with joy I though my eardrums would explode.

"How do you know?" I asked, looking up from my homework, spread out on the table. Isaiah is on the floor, leaning against the chair, a paperback novel in his pale hands.

"I can feel it! Wait till Ma gets home!" They danced off into the living room, and I looked up at Isaiah.

"Think you'll be settling any time soon?" I adjust my glasses out of nervous habit, and only see out of the corner of my eye as he shrugs and holds out his hands in a 'who knows?' gesture. Isaiah doesn't talk much, but that's never been a problem for us. "its been a while since you changed. Maybe we settled without knowing?" But he sprouts leathery wings, which knock against the table. "…guess not."

"We'll settle sooner or later. I just don't see why its so important." He doesn't look up from his book as he speaks to me. It's the most complete sentence I've heard from him all day.

I chew the end of my pencil and finally decide on a reason for him. "It shows you're grown up. That you know who you are."

"So Kay knows herself to be a lizard?" He says it disdainfully. Isaiah isn't overly fond of anything remotely reptilian. Even fish gross him out…but I'm the only one who knows that. As you can guess, it would be intensely rude to openly express dislike for an animal that could be someone's daemon.

"They stick to walls." I say more in my sister's defense than in her daemon's. I'm not too wild about lizards either. "Its more than you do."

"Spaghetti sticks to walls, too." He points out, smirking. "If I settle, I'll settle as a komodo dragon. Then I can bite people who annoy us and give them all sorts of weird diseases." He says it with false bravado…both of us know we'd never touch someone else's daemon. The idea makes me feel sort of makes my stomach flutter with apprehension.

I give him a small smile, which he doesn't see…its just as well. I know he feels the warmth of it. He's already pretty venomous, I think. He doesn't need any more poison. Besides, who would he use it on? But I don't say that, because deep down the idea of my Isaiah being an animal scares me. Not because it would put an end to our loving each other in an unconventional way, but just because I'm so used to him being a person that it would be like losing a friend. That sounds coarse, I know. I shouldn't be so prejudiced against animal-shaped daemons, but the truth is I like having a human-esque daemon. It makes me feel special. "Don't settle." I tell him, but he doesn't respond.

When Ma comes home that night, Kay practically bowls her over telling her about Rose's settling. Ma's happy for her, and congratulates her…but I notice the look she gives me and Isaiah. 'what about you two?' she's thinking. I can't hear it, but I see it in her face. 'what's up with you two?'

Much later that night, after homework and dinner and annoying Kay, Isaiah and I are in my bedroom alone. It's past time for us to have gone to sleep, especially considering tomorrow is a school day, but we're still awake. We lay cramped together on my twin-sized mattress. There isn't enough room for us to share the bed comfortably…I think the reason Ma hasn't bought us a larger bed is because she thinks the cramped sleeping arrangement will influence Isaiah to use a smaller, animal-ier shape. I've given up complaining, and would never tell her how good it feels to feel Isaiah pressed against me while we sleep.  
"What do you think about these?" Isaiah whispers. We're half asleep, him with one arm over me and me with one leg thrown over his hip. Its not very comfortable but I want to be closer to him than our skin allows and this is the best I can do. It takes me a second to see what he's talking about: the sharp fangs that have replaced his canine teeth.

"you some kind of vampire?" I ask, teasingly.

He squirms so he's looming over me, smirks before biting down on my neck. It hurts at first, I flinch and gasp. But it isn't that bad, really. It almost feels good. "yeah," he says in a much different tone. "do you like it?"

"..do it again," I suggest. He bites into my neck again, and I can feel my blood rushing into his mouth. "yeah," I hear my voice constricting as I reach up and put my arms around him, clutching at his t-shirt. "I like it."

He pulls away, and I'm relieved to notice my blood stops flowing from the wound almost as soon as he does. Something still feels different. I look in question at Isaiah, who looms frozen over me. "whats wrong?"

"…think I settled." He looks at me with panic in his mismatched eyes.

"How can you tell?" I sit up, forcing him off of me. He kneels next to me and takes my hand in his.

"don't you feel it?" he asks, placing my hand over his heart. I don't feel it beating, but it feels warm. There's something else there, a secondary kind of unfamiliar glowing. It feels like coming home after a long, difficult trip. It's like being settled, I realize. "Is it bad?"  
I examine him in the dark, giving the question the most serious consideration I can. This is what I will be spending the rest of my life with. This is my Isaiah, my daemon. I will wake up to see this face, I will fall into these arms when I need comfort, I will kiss these lips. I know in my heart there won't ever be anyone else for me but him, and this is how he will be forever. I had wanted that, hadn't I? The fangs hadn't been in my original desire…but I can get used to them. "I think it's okay…" But I'm hesitant to sound certain.  
"Yeah?" My Isaiah smiles a little, the brightness returning to his eyes.  
"yeah," I say. I lay back and pull him on top of me. He nips at my shoulder blade, and I feel blood rising to the surface.  
Oh yeah. I can totally get used to this.


End file.
